Friday, May 30, 2008

Diary: The First Page

Well this is my first foray into an electronic diary. At 33 years of age I am a full time mother of two, a calling that sees me constantly struggling to keep my sanity and sense of self intact.
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Pretty much on a daily basis I wonder what life's all about. But that said, I've been wondering this throughout my twenties, and in my teens and really I suppose, back as far as I remember. I look forward to further exploring here.
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Motherhood is not what I expected. It is full of the same ups and downs as life. My children test me. Housework bores me. I am full to overflowing with ideas and passions to pursue in the future when I reclaim my life. I fight fatigue and boredom. I wrestle with anger. I try my utmost to be a good mother but often feel I have nothing to show. 
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I got the man of my dreams. He sure as hell stirs up trouble sometimes, but I always knew that my married life would never be boring. He is spirited, impatient and moody, like my son. But also rapturously inspiring. I live in a beautiful house with potential to renovate. I have two gorgeous dogs and cat and a budding garden. Wonderful friends, although I do struggle with the transient nature of friendships. A dysfunctional relationship with my parents that I seem to have come to terms with, for now. A successful business. Two amazing kids. 
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At times I am so consumed with using every ounce of energy I have to fulfill my day to day obligations that it is easy to get bogged down in the details and forget all these wonderful things. And what measure do I have to gauge my success? 
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All I can do is act out of love, and feel my way. Easier said than done. This blog is an attempt to focus and centre myself. The future is bright and filled with wonder, if I only I just have a little faith and patience...

1 comment:

  1. What a fantastic read. Makes me feel normal. I can assure you there will be lots of mothers out there that totally agree. I think you are a very creative type and that's why you feel a bit "trapped" at the moment. Maybe instead of waiting to "reclaim your life" you should look at this period of your life as a new career in a way? You are your children's life teacher. They look upto you not only for love but for guidance. And I know in the future you will see how everything you did now was worthwhile and everything will turn out just fine.

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